I Regret...I Was Scared

This was my first composition when I was 13...I could still remember and I would quote from my RS class, “The essential sadness is to go through life without loving. But it would be almost equally sad to leave this world without ever telling those you loved that you love them.”

Long have I been pretending
That it isn't love that I'm feeling
But believe me it was never easy
For every now and then it keeps on haunting me

Long have I been denying
The fact that I am indeed falling
But please try to understand
Open my heart and the reasons you will find

I have always wanted to tell you how I feel
For you to know that it is something real
But everytime I try to
Fear hinders me from doing so...

I am scared to confess..
FOr you might think of me less
I'm scared that I might utter the wrong word and
That believing me you can't afford...

I m scared for you might laugh at me
And you will never take me seriously..
I am scared for once I open up and speak
You might turn away and leave.

I am scared that I will never gain your affection...
Instead nothing but rejection
I am scared that no matter how hard I try..
You just can't be mine.

I am scared that things will never be the same again...
And that our friendship will come to an end
I am scared that LOVING YOU
Might mean LETTING GO...

I am just scared- too scared
That's all I know
I'll have to wait until I'm ready to tell you so
"Give me time", says my mind pleading
"But until when?", asks my heart aching

Long have I been waiting
For this day when I can finally tell you everything
With enough strength I came to you
But before I could say anything
I was startled when you held my hand
And looked into my eyes saying that you're leaving...

At that very moment, I felt like the world will topple
My body froze, my lips trembled
Without a word, I looked straight into your eyes hoping
That everything was a joke and you're only kidding

But the last word has been said
The pain was real and my heart bled
Though it hurts, as the tears started to fall
I know it's time to let go after all...

"Why do you have to leave me now?"was all that I could ask.
Now that I'm ready to reveal, take off the mask.
You just stared at me and made no reply
But a mere "I'm sorry", as you bid goodbye

Yes-that's the truth that I have to accept
Though things turned out this way
There's nothing to regret
Except that I had waited so long to tell you what I feel
That I have become so reserved...
Though I know I have all the time in the world
I never tried still...

I regret...that I never gave my heart a chance
To tell you what's inside of me for once
I regret...that I have never been able to show you
How much I care
That I let fear overcome me
Now I'm all alone and in despair...

Wherever you are
I just want you and the whole world to know
That I love you and I always do...
If someday our paths would cross and you
Would knock at my door...
I'll never be afraid to open it.

When that time comes
I know, I'm stronger
Less prone to hurt and bitter...

For I have experienced the pain that's beyond compare
The experience of losing you...
When I decided to let go.

Tell me it's not yet too late
For God knows...

I REGRET...I WAS SCARED.