The years

These years- these humble years

Heavens glorified in awe

Bliss for this waking moment unfathomable

These years- these humble years

Hands clasp in thanksgiving

Glee devours this heart in vast

These years- these humble years

Field wallows in exquisiteness of the flowers

Through bordering thorns and wild grasses


These years- these humble year

In azure sky or in star-studded black

Heart lifted, head bowed in humility

No Greater Love Than This

The vastness of the skies
In which the stars shower its luminance like thousands of flickering flames from candles lit

The mysteries of the sun's glaring face
Soft-yellow colored painted skies at dawn then fiery-golden rays on midday turned into hues of tangerine when it kisses the horizon goodbye

The humbling stature of the moon
When it appears at twilight
As it watch over from heavens
Kindling the dark surrounds

The creation of man in His image
The ultimate sacrifice- the perfect manifestation of His unceasing love
He being the past, present, future- the Beginning and the End

Everything- every little thing were out of immense love.

There is no Greater Love than this-

J.A.Gavina
03/30/13

Impassability

How does it feel to not feel?
What is the risk to not risk?
What does one lose not to lose?
How can one live and yet not live?
How can one love and yet love only love?

Somewhere in Between

Everybody wound their way to get past sky's blue lining

So to glimpse a more ocher-hued horizon

Somewhere in between are gilded sphere missed

Everybody haste to the apex

So to glimpse but a momentary bliss

Somewhere in between are profound paths shunned

Strangers

They were strangers

Souls who have been in different places at the same time

Or that in the same place but different times

But it was possible that all along

They were in the same place at the same time

But they don’t know

They may have not known…

They were strangers

Individuals who have seen the sunrise at different dawns

Or that a manifold of sunsets picturesque in basking colors of yellow and tangerine

But it was possible they were gazing at the same immense canvas all along

But they don’t know

They may have not known…

They were strangers or rather they were really not

Multitude of them have locked eyes in an instance or two

They were strangers or rather they were really not

He sets the path- the hearts determine.

NightFall

She watched in agony as the sun slowly sets in vast space

Night is creeping in as the light hideously fades before her

Stream of animosity grew as she reluctantly crawl to bed

Countless moments as this feel more than a solitary escape

From the everyday grinding-

Not a retreat from the preoccupations of the day

Like living in the confines where every breaking;

Every shattering – is nothing but a hush

Where bareness meets vulnerability

Where something surreal suddenly becomes so mundane

Where every dreaming is waking...

Her eyelids flutter with the flickering light from the lamp

She held herself under the wraps; battling herself to sleep

The silence of the night is deafening

She yearns for daybreaks- for sunrise

When the rays’ warmth greets her with a kiss

Where the sheen is reflective of the surface

Where every waking is life...

Restless

Caught in the meshes of surging tears


Snuffling at every breathe


Weltering in this moment of twinge


And I’m restless…




When this heart’s utterance


Is louder than the shrilling sound of the wind


When the chilliness is trouncing


And I’m restless…

Words

It takes more than the "hurting" to be able to learn. In the process, we are hurt because we refuse to learn.

Life is a big maze with unending streams of choices- should i go this way or the other? should i run or walk? should i battle the rain or wait until it no longer pours?

What is scary is not that illusions appear real but that what seems so real are but illusions-

It's waking that makes dreams just figments... But it's dreaming that makes each slumbering a whole new experience everytime.

Sometimes all I see are just silhouettes- shadowed contours; that no matter how I want to embrace the form, I cannot; that no matter how I want to hold the figure, I won’t; but then as soon as the hollows are filled with utter light or darkness- the silhouettes fade with it...

We cannot be faulted for something we did right; in the end, it is only ourselves to blame for something we did wrong.

Don’t expect others to complete you. Make yourself whole- others cannot always fill what you lack. A heart can only give the fullness of its beating when it’s intact. Mend the pieces when shattered- fear not of unsightly scars. A heart that sees beyond the disfigurements is worthy.

At the end of the day, how you treat yourself is as important as how you treat others. Love should not make you inferior; it should not make you feel less of a person than you are.

Trust your heart. Stop making rationalizations to justify everything. More often than not, you know the answer.

We cannot be faulted for something we did right; In the end, it is only ourselves to blame for something we did wrong.

Make amends with your past- nothing is more liberating...Continue to tread the right path, though gravelly and be prepared to walk sometimes barefooted.

Sometimes what hurts the most is not that we do not know- but that we do know and have always known. It's when silence speaks louder than any words ever uttered.

Everyday, we have choices and upon those choices we decide. We cannot be always in the middle. We cannot be always in between.

We are like kids playing the musical chairs. We dance. We wish that the music won't stop. We dread that when it does, that moment we had to rush and find a place. The music is the realm where we would always want to be. As long as the music keeps on playing, we worry not. But then at some point the music has to stop and we have to find that spot.

Sometimes we resent life for what it has not given us. In deeper reflection, we realized that not everything we have wanted, we needed. Whatever we have right at this moment is always something to be grateful for. Even the littlest thing. Even that which may be hurting.

Trust that wherever your heart is, there you'll be... Trust that whatever you have found, even if it may not be exactly what you have searched for, is the perfect piece...

When we are loved inspite of ourselves, we need no masks to cover the flaws. Only those who understand can see beauty behind imperfections. Only those who know how to embrace can feel the warmth beyond the seemingly cold stature.

Let life take its normal course. Worry not for the things you cannot control. Sometimes patiently waiting for the flower in its full bloom is worthwhile. God has a way of weaving the thread together in His Time. Prayers coupled with positivity always play a role. Slow down and make the most out of every moment.

Some say they are like walking in an unlit room and trying to find that corner where they are safe, that corner where they can stay until the light comes up. But then again in the process, they bumped into things and some may tripped on objects and the next thing they know they will hit the ground with a loud thud. This is what you call uncertainty.

We are cruising the sea of life. Sometimes the currents are too strong that almost capsize our vessels. We call upon Him to calm the wind- to ease the ripples of the waters. But then again, we continue to sail with each time being a new adventure.

Behind is a Reason

Wake from your dream
Live today as if tomorrow won’t come
Regret not what has already been done
You’ll know that behind is a reason

Wake from your dream

Love today and tomorrow will come
Learn from the slips and falls
You’ll know that behind is a reason

Dream and when you wake up
Wipe those tears away
Let not any pain remain
And you’ll find the reason

White Flag

Raise not the white flag
Life is a battlefield
We are soldiers in combat
Armored or not

Raise not the white flag
Call out His name
Weep when you bleed
Lean against His Wall

Raise not the white flag
Wounds are of your gallantry
Gashes are of your intrepidness
Tears are of your fortitude

Raise not the white flag
When twilight befalls
Seek refuge in His haven
Then tomorrow is dawning

Untitled

What good is the sun when the flower has withered?
As it was put to the shade and forgotten…
What good is the moon when it hides its face?
At times when nights are darkest...

What good is the wind when all it does is blow so hard?
That stripped you- leaving you bare and disheveled…
What good are the rivers and streams?
When waters have stopped flowing as the soil has become parched…

What good are the hands that clasp not?
Those that know not how to cling and hold…
What good are the eyes that see not?
Those though not as brilliant are still pure gems…

But good is a heart even with jagged edges
That risks putting an imperfect piece into his
And good is a heart even with deep gouges
That risks ripping a part of his to fit into another’s

Red and Gold

I remember that day...
When you first came
Not the usual cavalier with the armor
No horses, nor swords
Devoid of haughtiness

I remember that day…
When you first held my hand
It was right before Him in that sacred place
Warmth cloaked us
As if there is some Greater Hand

I remember that day…
When words of affection were spoken
As if that moment, with the stars and the moon conspired
That moment as if the whole world stopped
Just to hear what is not being said

I remember that day…
We stride to places we had only imagined
Then we slid the slippery road sometimes
The rain poured out relentlessly
The cold wind blew our way

I remember that day…
Always, everytime…

Let Me

Let me tell You with a humble heart how grateful I am
For each night before I go to sleep when in silence I speak Your name
For each day that I wake up when I can feel the thumping of this heart
This I know I am still alive

Let me tell You with a humble heart that all that I am is You
For each drop of tear that I shed, You are more than pierced a thousand times
For each time I bear the burden, You have carried me then most of the time
This I know I am more than alive

Let me tell You with a humble heart how I long to see Your face

That when the angels come, I will stand before You

That when the time is up, I wanted to see that light

This I know I will always be alive

Silhouette

You asked me-
What if I don’t have wings anymore and can’t fly; how will we be able to see the world?
I answered-
I will walk with you; we may not see all the grandeur but we will discover the littlest things as we pave that road.

You asked me-
What if you get tired of walking? What if the road gets rocky and steep?
I answered-
Would you carry me? Would you find us a place to rest our tired feet so we can withstand the strains of the earth?

You asked me-
What if you just walk away? What if you feel like this road leads to nowhere?
I answered-
Grab my hand. Do not let go. Turning away for a moment does not mean walking away.
This road is long, isn’t it too early to say that at the end of this is a dead-end?

Then I asked you-
What if distance come in between and I cannot walk with you in the same pace?
Will you wait and meet me there?
I looked at you-
There was silence. Then you uttered, Yes- even if you’ll lose your way. You will find me there.

Stand there still

Stand there still- amidst the chaos
Let not the unruly world shake you
Rest your feet when it hurts
Lean your back against this wall

Stand there still- amidst the confusion
Let not the trepidation of the future weaken you
Shawl yourself when it gets chilly
Sit once in a while if you may

Stand there still- Don’t hide
The stars has not yet appeared on sight
Stand there still- Don’t cry
Let tomorrow unveil itself

Photograph

If only life is a photograph
That you can freeze that moment
And hold it in your hands
That moment when you are at your happiest

If only life is a photograph
That you can capture all that there is
And post upon the walls
That moment when even black and white also equates to red and blue

If only life is a photograph
That you can edit and restore
That which is even timeworn or dilapidated
That moment when you are tainted or blemished

If only life is a photograph
That you can manually control the outcome of exposures
That you can dictate the angle, the depth, the mood
That moment of indecisions and skepticisms- about life and what is to come

But life is a photograph after all
There will be no shots without the one making it…

A Tale

There is always a story- a story behind everything that is seen; a story behind everything that is heard; a story behind everything that is felt.

Sometimes what appear to be beautiful are only those that are pleasing to the eyes. Sometimes what appears to be a great song is only that which is being played over and over. Sometimes what appear to be genuine are only those gems shining brilliantly.

There is always a story- how the coin got to the ground; how the flower withered; how the piece of paper got to the trash.

There is always a story- Something that we know the truth about and something that we would never know the truth. There was action behind the fact. And there was intention.

There is always a story- the truth is things are always taken as is. No questions ask- people ran away without turning heads. No words are spoken- people create walls to shield hurts. Reality is buried. Only the memory lingers.

The Leaf

I saw a tree whose leaves have all fallen
It seemed like age has taken its toll
Or is it just the season?

I came to wonder
What force is responsible?
Is it the wind, whose blowing might have caused it to be detached from the branches?
Is it the tree, which might not have held the leaves tightly and just let it go?
Is it the leaf itself, which has not clung onto the branches enough to withstand the wind?
Is it just the changing of the season, which spelled its destiny?

Black and White Love

It is the voice, that even in silence it speaks
It is the thought, that even in distance it reminisces
It is the compassion, that even in transgression it forgives
It is the intimacy, that even in solitude it accompanies
It is the serenity, that even in perplexity it understands
It is the warmth, that even in cold evenings it embraces

It is the language that some could not speak
It is the memory that many would just forgo
It is the reminder that once you wronged him
It is the closeness that some have mistaken it to be
It is the quietness that a lot would just give it up
It is the heat that sometimes would melt hearts

The Story of You

I saw you staring from afar-
As you reminisce
27 years of existence
Scenes of yesterday were like films that kept playing
It was so real and vivid

You were 13 then
The inexplicable shivers and thumping of your heart
Inspired and enthused- that was you
But you were 13 then
So young and he knew
So he waited- you waited
Then 4 years passed
You were 17 back then
Your first kiss, your first love- that was him
You were together – it was magic
Like a fairy tale come true
Like a dream- that you would not want to wake up
It came- then for some reasons it had to go
It’s not that you let it slip away
You were making it work
And then you realized
He was never yours from the beginning
Those times were but stolen
You let him go because you love him
And then you realized that to love him
He has to love himself
He has to find himself
You cried, you wept-
You remember, you freed yourself
That was the only way

You were 20-
You have dreams- you fear failure so much
Expectations were high
But like a race to the finish line
You didn’t make it
Self-pity engulfed you
You were in a mess
Have pushed yourself to the limit and walked to the edge
But like in a battle
You came home bleeding
Your family was there to meet you
You were not alone- they were there
Failing does not mean you lost it all
It is giving up that make you lose it all

You were 21 then
And through persistence
You finally tasted the sweetest victory
And when you looked out the window
The real test is yet to come

You were 22
At such unexpected time
At such unexpected place
You met someone that you least expected to fall for
But you did
No fireworks in the sky or stars that lit up the nights
No fanciness- no glitters nor gold
There was just you and him
All those times and every day- were unforgettable

Then you were 24
Great opportunity has knocked at your door
You peek and hesitated for a moment
But decisions are to be made
Apprehensions of the future frightened you
You feared the unknown
You have to go and leave because that was what was best at that moment
Distance does not separate but oblivion

You are 27 now
As you looked backed
Be grateful
Moments of nothingness; episodes of grief; celebrations of victories; state of brokenness
All led you to become the person that you are now
People in your life are meant to be there
Offer everything to the one that has given you it
Pray and continue to pray
Nothing is more powerful
And Live

Those were the days

Those were the days when you wished you had everything
And when you finally have it all, you realized something is missing
There’s a gap, space inside you that you would want filled
Then you ask the question; have I lived my life to the fullest?

Those were the days when you wished you were there
And then you started thinking of what could have been
There’s an intense yearning that if you could just turn back time
Then you ask the question; will today be a little different?

Those were the days when you wished tomorrow is known
So moments of hurt or mishaps can be foretold
There’s an unfathomable desire that only if you could peek into the future
Then you ask; will those answer all the questions?

The Seed

I was a small seed sown amid tall grasses and muddy grounds
I was frightened I might not grow and be embedded only deep-down
I was afraid Light might not reach me and eternally be in shade
I was scared that this soil might not be dampened and drought might take its toll

Then comes the RAIN- its droplets were like thousands of tears from Heaven
The sky was gray, the clouds were heavy
Nights were cold- the wind whispering, streams gushing
Branches plummeting, leaves falling, trees swaying

And I was washed away... swept by the trickling downpour…
By the side of a rock, I found myself soaked and drenched

I was a small seed that trek the earth amid tall grasses and muddy grounds
I feared storms, I dread relentless precipitation
I feared strong winds, I dread deluge

Then comes the SUN- its rays were like blankets that provide warmth
The sky was blue, the clouds were clear
Nights were humid- the wind stood in silence, streams were calm
Leaves were green and branches were robust

And I was amazed… swept away by nature’s unpredictability…
By the side of a rock, I found myself thrilled of what is to come

I was a small seed lodged beside this rock amid tall grasses and muddy grounds
I fear drought, I dread famine

I was a small seed once that has grown amid tall grasses and muddy grounds
And I fear not the winds, the storm , the rain… for He is always with me

IF I AM

If I am a rose in a thorn-filled garden, would you opt to pick the flower?
If I am a tree without leaves, would you climb my branches?
If I am a lake in the midst of wilderness, would you ever appreciate my beauty?
If I am a butterfly, would you look at me and see me fly?

If I am an unlit star in the vast sky, would you know of my existence?
If I am a rainbow after the rain, would you be amazed of my colors?
If I am the wind, would you stay and hear my whispering?
If I am but a stone thrown at sea, will you ever find me?

If I am but a torn page in a book, would you browse and read my content?
If I am a pen, would you scribe and tell me your story?
If I am a song, would you know the lyrics?
If I am the music, would you dance with my rhythm?

If I am but only your heart
If I am but only the air that you breathe

If I am but only your life
I want to be that and only that forever…

Life's Hues

It was white-

When born, tainted with the sins of man
Made pure at Baptism- made clean of unrighteousness
The white garment, the water, the light- reminder that we are a child of God

It was green-

Like an unripe fruit- fresh; vigorous
Youthfulness; Childhood- the time of discovering
The season of budding and growing

It was blue-

A hue of a clear daytime sky ; of the vast sea
Of lonely and gloomy times
When faced with uncertainties

It was pink-

Our best- bubbly; rosy
It was a pale red - on to the doors of Love
The theme- Beauty; Fragility; Femininity

It was red-

Roses blooming; Hearts melting; Falling in love
Embraces, promises, wishing upon the stars
Building castles out of sand

It was yellow-

The color of lemons and daffodils
Of warning; of caution; of slowing down
Of taking life one step a time

It was orange-

Before the sun sets; before the sky turns to gray
Magnificence of God’s glory
For but another day

It was grey-

Pessimism- of life’s future
Angels might come and close these eyes
This day or hour might be the last

It was black then again white…

Endings; Cessation;
There will be again beginnings- new life
Then black will turn to white…

Embrace

What is there in an embrace?

What is there in a hug?

Could it be the feeling of warmth?

Could it be the sense of security in another's arms?

A cuddle, a cling, a clasp

Comfort it brings- relief to those who hurt

It is a statement- a manifestation

Of just being there

An enfolding- a grasp

A greeting or farewell it was

A sweet smile or bitter tears it has

Stories are endless- meanings may contrast

Then embrace- brace me.

Forever Cherished

This world is temporary

There is a dwelling place- a paradise beyond this

Where all would come before Him in his glory...

This body is borrowed

There is an undying soul- a spirit

That transcends the human form- infinite, perpetual

This life is a drop of water in the ocean

A speck of dust in the ground

In eternity- years are but seconds, only a blink of an eye

This time is a heartbeat, a gasp of air

Then tomorrow will come

This world, this body, this life may cease

Not the memories- not the thoughts- forever cherished

ENTWINED

God fashioned from his image & likeness thousand of souls
Each will know…
Each will discover…
What LIFE and LOVE is all about..

Then emerged two souls from multitude..
Oblivious of each other’s existence
Unaware of each other’s predicament
Little did they know…
Their lives would be…entangled

One soul came to be…he went through storms and flood
He was wet all over-drenched in the rain
His feet soaked in the mud
He was tired and weary
But no- he never gave up and continued his journey…

Along the way a heart saw him in distress
She came and took him from the mire
He recuperate- she followed him
They were together before they knew it…

Another soul came to be…she was young yet buoyant
About life and its complexities
When she learned to walk on her own
In her delight, she forgot to wear her slippers on

She traversed through grassy grounds
Barefooted- she took each step boldly & undaunted
She played through hurdles and blocks
Carefree & lighthearted- she savored each joyous moment

In the middle of the fun
She felt a sudden tingling sensation under her feet
A pain so incomparable that numb her
A sharp object punctured her sole

Misty-eyed, she stopped walking
Her feet now bleeding
How could she not noticed?
How could she be so blind?

She looked at the path
She has traversed
It has been a long journey
And what is ahead is inconceivable

She suddenly felt lost
She never felt this alone
She now felt empty
Her mind opened to reality

How she had wished to go back
How she had wished to never took that road
How she had wished she knew
The thorns and spikes that lies ahead

She continued, now slowing down her pace
For the first time she had seen a different view
She had never noticed how the stars
Shone before or catch a glimpse of the moon

She had only look at how dark her pathway is
She had only felt the chill, the dread, the fright
But behind that she failed to recognize
The mellowness, quietude, & stillness that lies within

She glanced at her side
That one soul came to be
That one soul came unnoticed…
That one soul she hadn’t known

They were intertwined- their lives are
They looked at each other as if
Finding love the first time
It was like a bolt of lightning…
Striking them at their very core

They were caught unaware

They moved on-

But unsure where this road leads them

No one knows...

Until then-

What their hearts know

Is that their lives will always be...

Entwined.

BENCH

I thought she was the usual gal...

But in her simplicity

She exudes more than what the naked eyes could see

In her forbearance, she radiates what

Real beauty is...

She is bench...Silent...Deep...

Some people might termed her as exceptional.

Young, yet accomplished

But she has always displayed humility

In all her works.

Recognizing a greater power above.

She may be tough outside,

But when she's on her own

She is like a baby

Wanting to be cradled...wanting to be wanted...

She is like a child- feeble...fragile...

When hurt she would come running

Home almost always bleeding.

She has grown numb...

She may be brilliant in equations and formulas

But not when it comes to problems of the heart.

It is her weakest area

It would take another heart- with all its pureness

and sincerity

To engulf all her insecurities...

A loving heart that is...

Who could see beyond her

Imperfections and flaws

...A heart who could see through her.

That's bench...

BEFORE SUNSET

This is a love story, an original composition with a twist- read on...





It's 5'oclock in the afternoon

The sky is pale gray

Sending signs of a bad weather

It felt heavy...


Heaven may have felt my excruciating agony

Heaven may have heard my silent cries

The clouds may have hidden themselves

Behind the layers...


Their time was up.

They already had enough

Too display their usual grandeur

It was time to retreat...


A sudden surge of tears stream down my face

Putting a halt to my thoughts

Then a soft breeze blew my wet cheeks

It came to me... 5.15pm- not too bad.

The sky was now painted with colors of tangerine and pale yellow.


My heart leaped

I knew I had to hurry up

I had to see her before dusk

I had to meet her before darkness envelop the night

I had to...I need to...before the angels close their eyes

Or before the stars appear on sight

I had to tell her...before the sun kiss the horizon

Before the sun hides its glaring face...before the sun ever sets...


Indeed, I was on time

She was already there...sitting on the familiar bench

Staring from afar with that pretty face now tear-stricken

She was still lovely as that day

We first met

Incomparable...I have never seen such a beauty

The prettiest sight heavens might have missed

I was love-strucked...

I knew from that day on

She will dwell inside of me.


She did...


I am what she has made of me.

If there is such a place splendid than Paradise,

It would be in her arms.

If there is such a life beyond this

It would be in the silent and serene

Reality that I had loved her

More than love itself...

Nothing could ever conquer it.


The clock of life must have stopped ticking,

The wheel of time must have stopped spinning,

But not the rush of emotions-

Of deep longing...

Of intense yearning...


I can't seem to move from where I was standing

My feet were heavy

As if weighed down with fetters...

I was inches away from her

But we were like worlds apart.


I found myself sitting next to her

A cold shiver run through me

It's 5.40, yet the sun was still hanging in there

As if not wanting to bid goodbye

Even if it knew, it had to go for a while...


Heaven must have known...

Heaven must have understood.

The sun would not set

Unless IT IS FINISHED...


I looked at her

I wanted to kiss her until

We couldn't breathe anymore.

Her warm embrace caresses me

As if not wanting to let go...

I missed her...so much...


How could I tell her

To free herself from the misery.

That I was sent from heaven

And now my time is up.


Like the sun, I too must set

I, too must find repose

I, too must rest...


Then a little child came to her.

With three white roses in her hand.

Shocked, she held it slowly

Wondering where in heaven

It must have fallen.


With a gesture, the child whispered,

"From a man in white...he told me

to give those roses to you..."


And she knew it.. she understood..

She wept like she never wept before.

I wept with her...only in silence.

In a soft but clear voice

She uttered, "Sweetie, I can't see the sun anymore.

I know it's time for you to go... I'm letting you go..."

"I know these roses are from you.. I love you still"

"I know you are always here... with me."


I stared at he sky...

The sun has already set.

It would be another long dark night.

But not in the place where

I supposed to be.


I knew this lifetime isn't the end

Like every dusk has its dawn.



Tomorrow the sun will rise

In his perfect time...It will never have to set again...

Heaven

I looked at the sky

Feeling cold...

Gray-hued and cloudless

It's past 4...

I hadn't seen the sun shone

But I thanked heavens

It rained...

I's relentless outpouring

Reminded me of my own

I have not learned the art

Of suppressing

The tears...

The pains...

The hurts...

Just like heavens

I let go of the emotions

I have been trying to hold back

But cannot.

I submit to the outcry

of my inner being that I have

Been trying to stop

But cannot.

And I wept.

I cried.

Not just my heart's out

But of my soul's.

And only heaven could see...

And only heaven could hear...

In silence would the weeping be.

LOVER'S CROSS

This is Love Fought - two people finding each other; going through life's tough times; and love prevailing in the end.

I'm living in a world so chaotic

Full of confusions and perplexity..

In my childhood I was taught

"Go with the flow or be drifted away..."

I walked down the road of life

It was not easy

The surrounding was rosy

But equally thorny

Many times on my journey

I stopped to look at the view

In my amazement, I tried picking out the flowers

But careless as I am, I got pricked and wounded

I paused to think of those moments

When I got enticed and tempted

But LIFE is here to show me

That Beauty alone can be deceiving

I moved my way onwards

I come across stony and rocky grounds

I thought my sole could withstand

The pressure and strain below the earth

I paused to think of those times

When I have become so assertive and self-assured

As if I have never need anyone

As if my strength alone would suffice

I tried running this time

To immediately reach the end

But little did I knew

One step made me fall two steps backward

I stopped to think of those instances

When I have raced my way through life

Always in haste, always on the run

As if I am the Master of Time

In this lonely voyage

I got tired and exhausted

I looked for a place to rest

In my quest, I saw bodily figures instead

Maybe God may have heard

The utterance of this lonesome heart

Long have I waited

That He would bless me a dear one

Someone who would walk with me

Someone who would understand

Someone who would let me see again

The GREATER things in this life

I tread towards their direction

I was surprise to see three identical forms and statures

Standing there, as if waiting

Standing there in anticipation

I paused to think of those occasions

I was faced with the same dilemma

Granted several options

I have to settle then which decision to take

Without further thought

I took the hand of the coy and timid one

It was my heart who made the choice

It was my heart who whispered, "he is the one..."

He readily gave his hand

With a sweet smile he looked at me intently

My heart has never been this blissful

My heart has never felt this serenity

We traversed together

Through rivers and streams

We made it through the first lap

Never feeling tired nore weary

Somewhere along, each step became heavy

Each stride became burdensome

There were hurdles and blocks ahead

That our feet find difficult to leap

His hand slipped through my fingers

I lost my balance

I fell

It was too late to catch him...

I was left behind..he went on and walked ahead

I rest my face on my lap

With warm tears flowing freely

In sobs, I whispered, " God, help me..."

I paused and think of him

Could it be a mistake?

Could I be wrong?

How could it be when it feels so right?

I got up trying to catch him

I walked briskly as I could

I noticed petals of red roses on my path

This could be it I followed

I saw him sitting by a wooden shed

I rushed to him

Without a word, I hugged him tight

And held him close to me

"I waited for you

I dropped those petals for you to follow

I am here...I wouldn't leave you

We'll cross these lines together,"he mumbled.

The guy got something in his pocket...

A cross- a little silver cross.

He looked at me and said,

"HE will be our guide as we carry our own crosses..."

FOR THE LOVE OF YOU

The theme below is Love discovered- the realization of which can bring transformations to Life. A man finding love the least he expected it.

I was going through life

Unmindful, so detach with

My own self..with my own feelings..
Love was just a 4-letter word.

So blunt..hollow..ordinary

Little did I knoew

I'd fall the next victim..

So it happened..

I woke up one day..

Wearing a smile on my face.

I know it wasn't there before.

I looked sharply at my reflection

In the mirror

There was a glow on those

Brown eyes..

I know it wasn't there before.

I hurried myself up

There was vigor in those moves..

I know, i was sure it wasn't there before..

Then it came down on me..

Her name kept resounding on my mind...

Like lyrics from a love song.

Her face was all that I could see.

From the moment I'd ble heavens good night

Till I see the sun and its rays penetrating through

Her eyes were diamonds piercing into my very soul...

She was my all.. She was all of me...

This heart has finally found its half..

That's all I know and need to believe

Heavens and earth may pass away.

But not the LOVE I have long so waited...

LESSONS LEARNED

• You can’t stop anyone from hurting you, consciously or unconsciously. It’s the one single-most truth that you have to accept and live by. But you CAN stop hurting yourself and accept reality as it is. Don’t dwell in the pain- it kills. There will always be something good that will come out even in the most painful situation.

• In this world, reality is that after all that has been said and done; only You holds the Key to your Life… People may dictate your actions- they may judge your character but only you can ultimately decide for your own. You should know who you are and what you are made of- only then can you face the world without disguises, without pretensions.

• Happiness isn’t found elsewhere. It is not a thing that you have to chase like a child chasing a butterfly because the more it will elude you. Genuine Happiness is not found in things neither in other people- it is a state of being in terms with yourself. It is self-acceptance and being contented and appreciative of what Life has already given you. This does not contradict to striving for more of Life rather more of a complement. Happiness radiates when you do things that better yourself rather things that destroy you. You will be at peace when you know you have given your best shot at life and that is something people can’t take away from you.

IN DENIAL

This was originally written few years back when i was nursing a broken heart.. It's nice to looked back to those times when you thought LIFE had ended but actually it has just began...

I was being numb...I know it hurts but I couldn't feel the pain anymore. I know I was hurting- bleeding profusely. I have died so many times but not the love I have so long buried in the deepest recessesof my being..How can one be truly alive when a part of his soul has forgotten life itself? There were questions but no one had an answer. No- there were answers but the Heart has chosen not to reveal it. Yes-there were questions, lots of questions still that even eternity could not contain. Only Time can embrace all that is vague...

I could still recall how I came to know Love- vividly flashing before me were scenes of yesterday. I loved like I never loved before. He was all that my eyes could see. He was my all- He was all of me... It was strange how a young heart could love like that at such unexpected time. In my youthfulness, I experienced the most wonderful thing anyone could only dream of- I fell in love. We fell in love. Then we started building castles of dreams. I fell really hard. I loved without question, without premises, without making demands. I loved- no regrets..If I would be given the chance to live my life all over again- I would still choose to take that road. Along the way, I have stumbled a lot of times. I got bruised and wounded. Each pain, each hurt made me what I am now.

Where has Love gone wrong? I don't know- I don't really know.. Can't Love be a reason enough to sustain what is lacking? To heal the other of all the pains and bitterness? To mend what was shattered? To make the other believe that his brokenness will only be healed by the One aboveif only he will let Him be... And I will understand- He will understand. In time, both of us will understand. And soon, we don't need to ask and we will know...The Heart will just know.

I knew inside, the feeling has not left me...it may have been in deep slumber but it had not died. The flame may have been out for a while, but not the warmth- not the glow. I thought I had moved on and fully let go of every bit of Him but I was wrong. I was struggling, battling with this feeling ever since only to find myself fighting the battle alone. I thought I had won..I have been defeated by my own emotions...

I have not yet healed of the past though I put a face that I already was...and some have believed- but not Me. I sought for love- it was hard. It was like looking for a pebble in the sand or a drop of water in the ocean. I took every chance- hoping it can fill up what was void. I made myself believe that I was happy- that everything was fine only to be disillusioned. I tried to give the love they think they deserve. I did, but not enough. I can't seem to love the way I had loved the first time- loving with all my heart..loving to the fullest. It hurts me more to know they were hurting.

Now, I know that the only person who could make me understand and see clearly aside from Him is that same person who has caused me pain..that same person I had loved so much...that same person who has hurt the most...

In time, all wounds will be healed...broken hearts would recuperate..No masks needed no pretensions and the heart would know if it's finally Home...

RAIN

I originally wrote this dated Apr'06 when times were tough but I was able to get through...

And the rain pours...
So hard...over the rooptop


Over the boundless seas...
Over ME...

The sky wept again...
Droplets were like thousands of tears..
A manifestation that heavens might have
Felt agony...might have felt pain...
The way mortals do.

But behind the seemingly
Relentless outpouring
Is the fact that the world
Need it sometimes...

The sky must wail once in a while
The clouds must turn to gray...
The soil must be dampened every now and then...

And nature will rejoice...
Just as the living creatures
Would bow their heads
In thanksgiving...

The rain quenches every thirst...
The rain satisfies every longing...
They needed the RAIN
The way they needed the SUN.

For after all, after the rain
is the colorful rainbow...

And behind evear Tear
...Behind every Pain
...Behind every Ache
is the reality that
We need it sometimes...

And soon the rain will stop
And the pain would fade away...

I Regret...I Was Scared

This was my first composition when I was 13...I could still remember and I would quote from my RS class, “The essential sadness is to go through life without loving. But it would be almost equally sad to leave this world without ever telling those you loved that you love them.”

Long have I been pretending
That it isn't love that I'm feeling
But believe me it was never easy
For every now and then it keeps on haunting me

Long have I been denying
The fact that I am indeed falling
But please try to understand
Open my heart and the reasons you will find

I have always wanted to tell you how I feel
For you to know that it is something real
But everytime I try to
Fear hinders me from doing so...

I am scared to confess..
FOr you might think of me less
I'm scared that I might utter the wrong word and
That believing me you can't afford...

I m scared for you might laugh at me
And you will never take me seriously..
I am scared for once I open up and speak
You might turn away and leave.

I am scared that I will never gain your affection...
Instead nothing but rejection
I am scared that no matter how hard I try..
You just can't be mine.

I am scared that things will never be the same again...
And that our friendship will come to an end
I am scared that LOVING YOU
Might mean LETTING GO...

I am just scared- too scared
That's all I know
I'll have to wait until I'm ready to tell you so
"Give me time", says my mind pleading
"But until when?", asks my heart aching

Long have I been waiting
For this day when I can finally tell you everything
With enough strength I came to you
But before I could say anything
I was startled when you held my hand
And looked into my eyes saying that you're leaving...

At that very moment, I felt like the world will topple
My body froze, my lips trembled
Without a word, I looked straight into your eyes hoping
That everything was a joke and you're only kidding

But the last word has been said
The pain was real and my heart bled
Though it hurts, as the tears started to fall
I know it's time to let go after all...

"Why do you have to leave me now?"was all that I could ask.
Now that I'm ready to reveal, take off the mask.
You just stared at me and made no reply
But a mere "I'm sorry", as you bid goodbye

Yes-that's the truth that I have to accept
Though things turned out this way
There's nothing to regret
Except that I had waited so long to tell you what I feel
That I have become so reserved...
Though I know I have all the time in the world
I never tried still...

I regret...that I never gave my heart a chance
To tell you what's inside of me for once
I regret...that I have never been able to show you
How much I care
That I let fear overcome me
Now I'm all alone and in despair...

Wherever you are
I just want you and the whole world to know
That I love you and I always do...
If someday our paths would cross and you
Would knock at my door...
I'll never be afraid to open it.

When that time comes
I know, I'm stronger
Less prone to hurt and bitter...

For I have experienced the pain that's beyond compare
The experience of losing you...
When I decided to let go.

Tell me it's not yet too late
For God knows...

I REGRET...I WAS SCARED.